Save the Play Dates!

Calling another mom to plan a play date for your child does not seem out the ordinary. Sure it is probably not the way we were raised but times are changing and the way we communicate is evolving. I recently discovered that a dad blogger posted his reasons for wanting to vanish play dates for children!  He argued that children who are involved in play dates lack the ability to be spontaneous or that the word "date" just gives parents the wrong idea. 

Here is why I am pro play date:

1. Play dates do not cause children to lack spontaneity: Kids on play dates are still free to choose the activities they play and how they play. They are free to build a forts, play dress up or make believe they are super heroes. 

2. Play date planning teaches children to be organized: This is a skill many children (and teens) are lacking nowadays. By planning and showing/teaching your child why planning is important, your child will be able to model and apply this skill. Do not always plan for them, plan with your children! 

3. Play dates do not have to be an adult social gathering: Having one parent who rotates and plans to have five children (at most and not all day) is something most parents would be willing to accept. This can mean every parent has some time to his/her to do list or to just relax! 

4. Play dates teach children to socialize: Many children are lacking even mediocre social skills (due to being surrounded with technology all day). By having a play date children can learn to communicate verbally, resolve problems in person and speak up for themselves. 

5. Play dates can give children a break from technology: Today children are growing up with at least two to three forms of daily access to technology. Kids are either on the Ipad, a game system, computer, smart phone or TV.  Having a chance to play with other kids instead of being inside becoming best friends with their virtual game is a great way for them to grow and evolve! 

6. Play dates can benefit children who otherwise would not take a social risk: Children with autism and ADHD are too predominant groups of kids who would not typically befriend or take a chance in making new friends. By gathering with other kids during play dates they have a chance to learn communication techniques and experience friendships. 

Encourage your children to go out, plan, socialize and leave technology behind! Do not get carried away, play dates do not have to be over planned. Simply schedule, get together and let your child learn, be creative and have some time to just be kids!

Are you aware of your teen's Self Esteem?

As parents most of you believe you are in touch with your teen and would be able to tell if there was a problem growing at school or at home. One of the easiest ways to be aware about how your teen is feeling is to pay attention to how self confident they are feeling or acting.  Is your teen isolated, have little to no friends, are they talkative, are they moody or do you simply not know any of these answers? 

If you are unsure of your teen's self esteem level, here are some steps you can take to learn about their self confidence: 

1. Keep an open dialect: Ask, listen and summarize when you have conversations. This will help establish trust and keep your relationship growing. If they are answering poorly or barely answering, they may be hiding their low self esteem. If they are talking to you, you can learn about their self esteem just by listening.  

2. Meet their friends: They spend about half their time at school with their friends. Ask them to invite friends over, meet their friends and get to know them. Learn what their hobbies and interests are. Are your teens friends involve din drug use or sexual activity? If yes, this can be a sign of low self esteem. Judge as a parent how your teen is choosing friends and if they are genuine. 

3. Be observant: Look for signs of unhappiness, worry, sadness or anger. Mood swings to a certain extent are common in teens but if it is prolonged or excessive this can be a sign of anxiety or depression. 

Use the above steps to recognize your teens self esteem. Repeat the steps until you see that your teen is confident, if you see warning signs that your teen has low self esteem do not feel frustrated. Pick up the phone and do not hesitate to contact a professional! 

Three Steps to Communicating Effectively as a Parent

One of the most basic steps we work on as a family in therapy is communication. The benefits of being able to talk and grow as a family serve as a model for future relationships. By modeling communication skills parents can teach children and teens how to talk about feelings, opinions and more personal topics. 

1. Listen: Learning to listen is difficult for most people. We tend to assume we know what the other person is going to say and we jump to conclusions in our head. Learning to be present oriented and just simply listen is a skill that will take practice. 

2. Be positive: Do not attack, yell or lose your temper. This will get you nowhere fast. Talk calmly, with positive words and do not lose your temper. This will make your child or teen more responsive and help motivate them to listen to you. 

3. Do not try and solve: Many parents want to tell their children or teens what to do. This is a strategy that is bound to fail. Think about it, do you like being told what to do? They don't either! Try to not solve problems but learn to understand what your child or teen is saying (unless it is an emergency.) 

Please use the steps above to create a loving home with respect and positive communication. This will encourage your child or teen to want to talk to you about more personal topics. 

Seventeen Signs Your Teen Is Depressed

Teens are one of my favorite age group to work with. They are young, impressionable, highly emotional, shy and can be explosive at times. As a teen therapist I see many parents who ask me when they should be concerned about their child's mood swings. Some parents believe their teen is just going through typical "teenage mood swings." Many parents are mistaken and ask me "what are simple signs I can look for to make sure my teen is not depressed.?" Here are some depression signs you can start looking for: 

1. Your teen is spending more time alone in their room. 

2. Your teen is wearing long sleeves and pants during warm weather. 

3. Your teen is talking to you less and less everyday.

4. Your teen has new friends that you have not met. 

5. Your teen is crying for no reason. 

6. Your teen is angry for no reason. 

7. Your teen lost interest in a favorite hobby or after school activity. 

8. Your teen is drinking or using illegal drugs. 

9. Your teen is going to bed extra late (or not sleeping at all). 

10. Your teen sleeps all day while the sun is out. 

11. Your teen is barely eating or eating much more than usual. 

12. Your teen is spending more time on the computer alone. 

13. Your teen does not talk about friends at school.

14. Your teen is cutting or self harming. 

15. Your teen has changed their hair style to cover his/her eyes. 

16. Your teen is struggling in school. 

17. Your teen is giving away valuable possessions. 

Not all teens are the same and some of the above depression signs may not be applicable in your situation. If you suspect your teen is depressed, please do note hesitate to call for help. 

Four Things I Learned as a Newlywed

My life has changed after being married to my husband for almost two years and dating him for about seven. I can say we have shared some wonderful moments together and some not so great times as well. Being young adults has given us an opportunity to grow, learn and thrive together. Many of us know relationships are hard work, marriage is no exception. Here is what I have learned (so far) as a newlywed: 

1. Using the word marriage does add pressure: As much as you want to believe "nothing will change" and "it is just like dating, except you live together." Well no, marriage is a commitment and as any other commitment you do noticeably try harder. This pressure is not completely negative and it does have rewarding moments. Like when you need someone to come help change your tire, give you advice or vent about a long day at work. My husband is always there; he is the most wonderful, caring and loving man! 

2. You will agree to disagree: Not always agreeing is typical, but now the conversations or topics may not be so light and fluffy. Disagreements will happen regarding houses, cars, babies, puppies, holidays and everything in between. Learn to talk and listen to one another. You can reach agreements by caring, being understanding and empathetic. I try to not forget why I am married in the first place!

3. You will learn to put the other person first: No matter how selfish you once were, you will change. Cooking (despite not enjoying it), going to see his favorite band, going to his favorite hang out, watching his TV shows (and much more) are all things that will change for the better. This change will be equal for both of you, you will notice he will put you first too!  

4. Happiness is what you make of it: Not everyday will be great, stress will always be present. Your view points will change, you will change jobs, you will have new friends, you will go back to school and your childhood family will have disagreements. Learning to see the bright side of things can help you foster a positive relationship, grow and learn (no matter the stress.) 

The first year of marriage is not easy, it is not for everyone but it is for me! Everyday I choose to be happy and committed in my marriage. I make this commitment despite the pressures, disagreements, selfishness, ups and downs of my everyday life. 

Stop Procrastinating and Start Accomplishing

We have all had those days when we have done the impossible to not finish a college paper, go to work or complete a daunting task! We would much rather be enjoying ourselves passing the time watching our favorite TV show, playing on Face Book, cleaning or going out. What if somehow we could stop prolonging and just start doing? 

Here are four easy ways to start accomplishing: 

1. Stop being so impulsive: You have to balance the positives and negatives (of completing and not completing the task.) Taking some time to think about your decision can contribute to you making a more positive decision. 

2. Find some other alternative for the short term "high" of procrastination: You may recognize the feeling as a boost of emotions, anxiety and exhaustion. Believe it or not this can be addicting but finding another positive alternative can help decrease your craving for the procrastination "high." 

3. Practice self control: Learning to balance responsibilities by planning tasks that need to be completed is a step in the right direction. This comes with practice and recalling what your responsibilities are. 

4. Visualize completing the task: This will help you picture yourself accomplishing your goal. It is beneficial to focus on the end product and reward. This is important for you to gain motivation! 

Remember to not be intimidated by your task, getting started is the fastest way to reaching the end! 

Six Ways for a Fun Filled Family Summer

The kids are out of school and you are looking for ways to keep them busy this summer! Taking the summer break to reunite as a family is an excellent opportunity. If you are like most families, not everyone will agree on all the same summer activities. Nevertheless, take the time to vote on family activities that will help make everyone happy!

1. Have a technology free weekend: This is a great way to connect as a family and talk about current events. Make sure everyone (yes, including you) turns in all electronic devices and they are turned off. This will help everyone to communicate, talk, listen and interact with one another. 

2. Find an activity everyone can enjoy: Vote on activities in your city that sound interesting or enjoyable. Pick two or three and go visit/complete them as a family. Take pictures and make it a memorable family bonding opportunity!

3. Exercise as a family: Go out for a walk, run or bike ride as a family. Teach your children that exercising can be fun! Getting into a routine exercising as a family this summer will help continue this routine once school starts. 

4. Relax during a stay-cation: Enjoy some time as a family in your city. Pass the time going around visiting places you already enjoy and reconnect with your city. This can also be economical if you choose to not rent a hotel room for the weekend. 

5. Take a road trip: For those of you with a slightly bigger budget, take the family on the road. Go meet new people, visit new places and eat new food. This is a great way to teach your children about geography and sociology. Use the driving time to talk and learn about one another (make it a game).  

6. Try something new (as a family): A new place, experience and memory helps us to unite. This can help everyone bond and increase the trust among family members. Trying something new does not have to be expensive or risky! Find something everyone can participate in.

Enjoy your summer, it will fly by. Make new memories, improve your relationships and make the most of the kids being home. Remember to have a fun filled family summer!

For questions, comments or more information please contact Mrs. Stephanie, Licensed Mental Health Counselor at: serenemindpsych@hotmail.com or www.serenemindpsych.com

Mrs. Stephanie specializes in providing counseling services, through support and guidance catered to one child, adolescent, family and young adult at a time. Mrs. Stephanie has strong family values that assist her in serving children, adolescents, families and young adults. She is dedicated to the psychology field, experienced as a counselor and believes in working with her clients to maintain and improve their mental health. Mrs. Stephanie facilitates counseling therapy sessions in a  friendly, relaxed atmosphere. She believes in educating clients about mental health symptoms, preventative services and working towards eventual session termination (or "graduation"). 

The New Era of Pictures: "Say Selfie"

"Let's take a selfie!" Most of us have used or know of people who use this phrase on a daily basis. This is not necessarily alarming or something you should be concerned with. However, some portion of the population with smart phones and technology are becoming obsessed with selfies. These are the people who are constantly posting pictures, seeking confirmation about their appearance and need praise from others. 

Access to constant social media is a growing concern for adolescents/teens and young adults who experience low self esteem, poor body image, obsessive compulsive disorder and narcissism. Teens and young adults are at a high risk of already having low self esteem and poor body image. Adding selfies to their daily routines for attention on social media is negatively impacting adolescents/teens who are always in search of approval. 

How can we reduce the amount off attention that adolescents/teens or young adults seek from social media? This is not an easy task, but parents can start by increasing the amount of time teens spend away from technology. Uniting as a family during the day without technology, playing outside or simply taking a vacation away from technology are all great ways to promote living in the present moment. Young adults can also choose to spend a portion of time each day without use of technology, find organizations that promote here and now thinking and just spending time socializing with friends in person. 

Increasing self esteem and the self image that teens and young adults have about themselves also can help reduce the selfie dependency. This can be reached with therapy and groups specialized in improving self esteem, social skills and self image. 

Keep taking selfies but lets not make a selfie a day a trend. Get off the computer, make friends in person and find self approval from technology free situations. Finding time to stay focused in the present moment is something we can all work on!