One of the most basic steps we work on as a family in therapy is communication. The benefits of being able to talk and grow as a family serve as a model for future relationships. By modeling communication skills parents can teach children and teens how to talk about feelings, opinions and more personal topics.
1. Listen: Learning to listen is difficult for most people. We tend to assume we know what the other person is going to say and we jump to conclusions in our head. Learning to be present oriented and just simply listen is a skill that will take practice.
2. Be positive: Do not attack, yell or lose your temper. This will get you nowhere fast. Talk calmly, with positive words and do not lose your temper. This will make your child or teen more responsive and help motivate them to listen to you.
3. Do not try and solve: Many parents want to tell their children or teens what to do. This is a strategy that is bound to fail. Think about it, do you like being told what to do? They don't either! Try to not solve problems but learn to understand what your child or teen is saying (unless it is an emergency.)
Please use the steps above to create a loving home with respect and positive communication. This will encourage your child or teen to want to talk to you about more personal topics.
My life has changed after being married to my husband for almost two years and dating him for about seven. I can say we have shared some wonderful moments together and some not so great times as well. Being young adults has given us an opportunity to grow, learn and thrive together. Many of us know relationships are hard work, marriage is no exception. Here is what I have learned (so far) as a newlywed:
1. Using the word marriage does add pressure: As much as you want to believe "nothing will change" and "it is just like dating, except you live together." Well no, marriage is a commitment and as any other commitment you do noticeably try harder. This pressure is not completely negative and it does have rewarding moments. Like when you need someone to come help change your tire, give you advice or vent about a long day at work. My husband is always there; he is the most wonderful, caring and loving man!
2. You will agree to disagree: Not always agreeing is typical, but now the conversations or topics may not be so light and fluffy. Disagreements will happen regarding houses, cars, babies, puppies, holidays and everything in between. Learn to talk and listen to one another. You can reach agreements by caring, being understanding and empathetic. I try to not forget why I am married in the first place!
3. You will learn to put the other person first: No matter how selfish you once were, you will change. Cooking (despite not enjoying it), going to see his favorite band, going to his favorite hang out, watching his TV shows (and much more) are all things that will change for the better. This change will be equal for both of you, you will notice he will put you first too!
4. Happiness is what you make of it: Not everyday will be great, stress will always be present. Your view points will change, you will change jobs, you will have new friends, you will go back to school and your childhood family will have disagreements. Learning to see the bright side of things can help you foster a positive relationship, grow and learn (no matter the stress.)
The first year of marriage is not easy, it is not for everyone but it is for me! Everyday I choose to be happy and committed in my marriage. I make this commitment despite the pressures, disagreements, selfishness, ups and downs of my everyday life.
