Superstitions, are they helpful?

Miami Heat player, Lebron James lost his headband during game six, last week of the basketball finals. This was an odd sight, since he wears this headband at every game and during every play. It was accidentally knocked off when he went for a basketball shot. James was in the moment and continued playing without the headband. He scored 12 points and dominated the court during those moments. After the game he was asked if he would wear the headband during the final championship game. He said he would, and continued with "I am a little superstitious." 

Lebron is not the only athlete or person to make public superstitious beliefs. Superstitions are created in our minds to gain a sense of control over possible uncertainties. Lebron's uncertainty was the outcome of the Heat winning the championship. As silly as it may sound, his headband kept him grounded and calm. Although Lebron lost his lucky headband he was able to maintain calm and play well. This may demonstrate that he is less in need of his headband then he realizes.  

Superstitions are not all negative and can help in some instances. However, make sure you are aware of your superstitions and do not let them become bigger than you. If you experience tension, excessive worry, difficulty sleeping, obsessive thoughts, exhaustion or repetitive ritual behavior that has grown out of control you may be in need of therapeutic help. 

Body Language and First Impressions

First impressions matter, whether you are going to a job interview or a first date. People form an impression upon meeting you which is almost irreversible. If you cross your arms during your first meeting, you may unwillingly always be labeled as closed and angry.  Our body language can make or break a job interview or first date for us. 

Fortunately, there are ways to improve your non-verbal signs to make you seem more desirable. First, mirroring or copying someones behavior can help you create a non-verbal connection. This shows the person you are open and will help you to establish rapport. 

Eye contact is also important and signals that you are paying attention. Socially we look at people when we address them to establish that we are confident and not lying. By looking at each other in the eye you are creating a deeper relationship based on trust. 

Finally, framing or standing in front of a group can also signal confidence. We want to "frame" ourselves, just as if we were a valuable picture or painting. Framing can occur by standing in front and in between a group. You will be the center of the group and this will make you seem more powerful and confident.  How we enter a room is also important. While walking in through a door way pause, stand confident with a firm posture and your arms open to seem inviting yet confident. 

Body language is an everyday part of our socialization. Sometimes we forget the importance of our non-verbal cues and this has powerful consequences. Practice your inviting,  confident body language and you will succeed. 

Anxiety to Blame for Miss Utah's Poor Answer

Many of us do not speak in front of a group of people on a daily basis and it takes practice to develop this skill. On Sunday, Miss Utah had to address a room full of audience members and a national TV audience regarding a questions which asked about fair pay for women. She answered, what seemed to be a not very well thought out phrase, "I think we can relate this back to education and how we are continuing to try to strive to figure out how to create jobs right now. That’s the biggest problem and I think, especially the men are, um, seen as the leaders of this and so we need to try to figure out how to create education better so that we can solve this problem. Thank you." 

What does this even mean? Well according to research the explanation is anxiety. Anxiety is a component of the "fight or flight response." This means our brain senses danger, even if the danger is not real and we become anxious. It is not something we can just snap out of and in the moment the danger can seem very real.  Our pupils begin to dilate, blood stops flowing to non-vital organs, our heart rate increases, breathing increases, blood glucose levels rise and adrenaline is released. 

This is not a new discovery, our bodies have been doing this since the beginning of time. It was a defense mechanism for our ancestors who would have to hunt and survive in the wild. The only difference is that now our "fight or flight" response kicks in when we may not need it, lets face many of us do not need to run away from dangerous situations on a daily basis. People who experience an anxiety attack are having a "fight or flight" response and may not even realize it. 

Although, most of us blame Miss Utah's ability to speak on purely her cognitive ability. This may not have been as important as the anxiety she was experiencing in the moment. Let us not jump to conclusions but try to reduce our own anxiety by recognizing the power in "fight or flight." 

The Importance of Fathers

Fathers are an important part of a child's development and there is an increasing trend of men being more involved with raising their children. Research has supported how important a father's involvement is in the self esteem, emotional stability, and mental health of a child. Many children who do not have support from their fathers' have been found to have difficulty with psychological adjustment, delinquency and substance abuse. 

Today, more dads spend more time cooking, playing and educating their children. For a child, a father is a male role model and their first example of how a man should act and think. Although, traditionally a mother's role has been seen with up most importance,  the same is true for fathers. Fathers have a special part to play in a family and in a child's development.

Being a Consistent Parent

Consistency is one of the many tools that parents need to carry in their tool box. Children need a structured and safe environment to grow in. Having parents who are consistent with rules, rewards and punishments helps to instill desired behavior in children. When children learn to predict a behavior has a consequence and this consequence is ALWAYS enforced, the child will grasp the idea that consequences do exist as a result of my behavior. 

It becomes confusing to children when mommy and daddy are both enforcing different rules or have a separate set of punishments all together. This confusion in children can cause an uproar of protest and rebellion may follow. As parents we have the responsibility to sit with each other and agree on a consistent parenting method for the benefit of our children. If a child can feel safe and predict outcomes in his/her environment it will reduce unwanted behavior; increase self esteem and responsibility. 

What is the difference between PMS and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5 (the updated guide mental health professionals use in diagnosing mental health disorders) is now out! A controversial disorder that is new to this edition is Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. This is a disorder specific to women that is said to appear in women prior to a menstrual cycle. It includes symptoms of moodiness, edginess, cramps and feeling bloated. Most of us would define this as PMS!

So why is it now a disorder and do I have this? Experts are saying Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder is not equivalent to PMS and is much more severe. In order for a woman to be diagnosed with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder she must have five of the following symptoms for at least a year (* with at least one of these symptoms included):

Irritability*

Mood swings*

Loss of interest in activities

Difficulty concentrating

Lack of energy

Depressed mood or hopelessness*

Tension or anxiety*

Sleep changes

Appetite changes

Feeling out of control or overwhelmed

Physical symptoms, such as bloating

Although Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder is not PMS, it is easy to see how we can jump to conclusions and feel targeted as women. Do not be afraid to research and ask questions about controversial diagnosis, knowledge will help us become more aware and empowered. 

How do you know if you need counseling therapy?

Counseling therapy may be beneficial if you have tried other avenues on your own and have had no success. A problem may be growing out of control, you could be experiencing a loss in interests, you can be feeling on the edge and unpredictable. All these are warning signs that you are not gaining control of your behaviors, thoughts and emotions. 

If your symptoms are becoming worse and you are prolonging contacting a professional, stop and re-think this. A mental health therapist is a professional trained in various therapy modalities who may treat a variety of different symptoms associated with what you are experiencing. Do not be intimidated to ask for help and if you are intimidated, discuss this with your therapist. Asking for help is courageous, and is a sign that you are prepared for personal growth.