New Year, New You

This New Year do you have a resolution to be healthier, happier and to focus on the positive? Now that we are near the end of January your motivation may be dwindling. You may be starting to make excuses and prolong working out, letting negative people influence your decisions or focusing on negative events that you feel are out of your control. If you are feeling this way, you are not alone! Like many of us, you need to regain focus, set realistic goals and feel accountable. 

1. Make time for your goals: You have to plan time everyday to focus on your goals. Make a schedule for yourself and create a routine. Having a schedule will make your goals that much easier to accomplish.  

2. Set goals that are attainable and specific: Create goals that start small and that you can progress with (Ex: Walk around the block and make progress towards running a 5K). Make a list of rewards to help motivate you to complete your goals (Earn a cheat meal, a new clothing item, a glass of wine). Write down your goal details and track your progress, you will stay focused even when you feel least motivated.  

3. Share your goals with others: This will hold you accountable for your goals and success. Tell your friends and family what your goals are and ask them to help you stay on track. It will help them feel included and encourage them to give you positive feedback. Everyone needs a cheerleader!

You can make a change for yourself this year by dedicating yourself to maintaining your goals! Do not let yourself become discouraged, your great work will not go unnoticed. Keep your focus, set yourself up for success and build a great support network. 

What Domestic Violence Really Teaches Children

Domestic violence is a private matter that has been brought into the public eye much in part to the NFL and the poor decisions of some football players. Many of us have heard the story about Ray Rice's wife and about their troubled marriage. Much of the talk about domestic violence is usually spent discussing what the parents are experiencing and although this is important, I ask "what about the kids?" Many people do not realize how domestic violence impacts a child's physical, mental and emotional development. 

By witnessing domestic violence a child can learn.....   

that hitting or yelling at others is an appropriate way of communicating 

hitting or yelling equals respect 

by hitting or yelling other people listen to you

physical strength is more important than anything else

to have difficulty trusting other adults and parents

to fight peers at school and break things at home

that a foundation for a relationship is fighting 

in all relationships someone must be submissive

physical strength is emotional strength

that all men or women are violent (depending on who is the abuser) 

the poor ability to cope with stress or anxiety 

the poor ability to resolve problems without fighting or arguing 

to have low self esteem related to self blame for the domestic violence

to be afraid when other people are yelling around the 

to hide their problems in the face of fear 

to not trust mom and dad since they can barely trust themselves 

to be insecure with themselves and others 

and that all adults are violent people  

Domestic violence is violence against a family unit, everyone is impacted. Children are very much affected by what they see and hear at home. A simple verbal argument among adults can start a downward spiral in their young minds. If you or someone you know is in a domestic violence relationship, I ask that you please find help, maybe not for yourself but definitely for your children. 

                                     

                                     

                                     

Pay it Forward, Join the Caras Vortex

My life,  just like many others, has been impacted upon learning that my friend, David Caras, a retired coast guard chief, triathlon competitor and volunteer puppy raiser for the Southeastern Guide Dogs was hit by a car while jogging on a business trip. He lost his right leg, broke his ribs, experienced a traumatic brain injury, and has sustained additional mental and physical injuries. 

Dave is a dear friend, he is kind, humble and an incredibly caring person. He coined the term "vortex" to describe the magic that occurs when you become a volunteer puppy raiser. Dave expressed through this vortex, you are transferred to a life of giving back, helping others and incredible happiness. He said once you are in this vortex you feel on top of the world and want to continue paying selfless acts forward. 

As Dave learned through giving back, the act of giving without expecting anything in return is unique. We do not always understand the overwhelming feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction, that follows this act of kindness. Only others that have performed selfless acts can understand this emotion. 

After my husband learned about Dave's accident, he expressed "I want to live everyday like Dave has, dedicating each day to living life to the fullest without regrets." I agree and request that in Dave's honor, to keep his strength going while he is in the hospital (going through countless surgeries and therapies) we as a community of caring individuals enter this vortex and unite to pay selfless acts forward. No act is too small, and no act is too big. It is just a way of showing others gratitude, understanding and caring.  




Please support Dave and his journey back to competing in triathlons and raising guide dog puppies! 

Post pictures and messages showing your support for the #carasvortex 

How is humor a sign of depression?

The tragic death of the beloved Robin Williams has everyone asking "how?" Robin starred in many magnificent movie roles and was well known for his on screen talents. As with any national figure who has passed, you turn on the TV, radio or search through Facebook and everyone is in mourning, trying to collect the pieces. The question remains, how could a famous comedian be depressed to the point of suicide?

This answer begins with our definition or stereotype of depression. If you ask most of us, a depressed person is described as someone who exhibits the following: shyness, loss of interest, speaks minimally, isolates, sadness, tears, anger, poor appearance, has trouble eating or sleeping, does not smile or even laugh. Even though the above is true for most depressed clients, it is only a generalization. Depression can be masked or hidden if we really try to not make it apparent. This hidden depression is extremely dangerous since family, friends and loved ones are unaware of possible underlying symptoms. 

Someone who is depressed does not necessarily have to be honest about it and may use humor to cover a very sad truth. Humor and laughter are emotions quite opposite from sadness or anger which are typically associated with depression. For Robin Williams laughter was his way of coping with his true loneliness and despair. Some depressed clients, believe facing true and uncomfortable emotions is too frightening and they would rather just avoid any sorrow. Unfortunately, Robin used humor as his coping skill and all too well. 

As grief stricken fans, now all we can do is learn, hope and become more aware of depression symptoms. Depression can lead to suicide and depression does not always fit a stereotype. Do not be fooled by those around you who may seem to have it all, many people hide their true emotions for their own self protection. Being vulnerable and learning to face our demons without humor can be a true feat in itself. 

You got into college, now what?

As a high school senior you were on top of the food chain, you knew your school like the back of your hand and you were comfortable. Now the month is upon us, the fall college semester begins soon. Some of you are heading to schools where you will be one of thousands of students, others are heading to small schools in which you will be one of hundreds. Either way your questions about college and anxiety are related. 

Here are some ways to ease your mind and look forward to your first day of college: 

1. Purchase the essentials: Show up to class prepared and ready to take notes (even if it is the first day of class). In college professors will expect you to always be prepared to learn, there is no movie day or freebie. 

2. Go explore the campus: Learn where your dorm is, the nearest dining halls and where your classes are. Learn to take the bus and time how long you take to reach your destination. This will help you plan how much time you have between classes. 

3. Get to know your professors: You do not have to take them to lunch, but introduce yourself and research their ratings on www.ratemyprofessor.com or a similar website. This will make you aware of their teaching style and personality. 

4. Get to know your roommates: Hang out, go out to eat and ask them about themselves. Your roommates will be a great part of your college experience (they still are a great part of my life). You will be living with them so make the best of it and become friends. 

5. Have a schedule: Write down and plan out your day (from start to finish). This will help ease your stress and increase your timeliness. You can add lunch, time with friends, work out time, study hours and quizzes to all fit your schedule. 

Prepare yourself for a year of learning, fun and exciting new ventures! College is what you make of it, take one day at a time and do not overwhelm yourself with useless anxieties. 

Parents have no fear, August is here!

As the days of the new school year are slowly approaching, the summer calm is winding down. Parents are excited for their children to leave the house and be back at school. As much as I hear parents cheering, their children are not. Now if we could all just be on the same page? 

Here are some great ways for everyone to slowly transition back to school while still being in the "summer" mindset!

1. Set an adjusted bed time: Simulating a "school night" bed time prior to the start of school, will help your family begin to feel as if back to school is almost here. This is a tool to ease your kids in transitioning to an ideal bed time!

2. Schedule a time for homework: Many kids have to read books or complete projects during summer break. Right now would be a great time to make sure these assignments are completed and will be turned in on time. Sit with your kids, ask them to schedule a couple of hours a day for school work during their last summer weeks. If no homework needs to be completed, assign them homework assignments (you can find simulated school worksheets online). 

3. Plan back to school snacks: This can help ease children back to their school routine and increase their excitement for the new school year. Talk about healthy and tasty snacks that they may enjoy eating their first week back at school. This will give them something to look forward to! 

4. Go back to school shopping: For many children this is the best part of back to school. The new sneakers, shirts, notebooks and markers. Plan a budget together and go shopping together! Encourage your child to pick out an agenda book and notebooks, that they can use to start the year in an organized fashion. 

5. Explore the school: This is a must if your child will be attending a new school! It will help calm their nerves on the first day of class. Go tour the school together and find where their class is, the nearest bathrooms, office and lunch room. 

6. Talk about making and keeping friends: Discussing with your child how to meet new friends and maintain old friends is a social skill that they can always have handy. Practice meeting new kids through role-plays, to help calm their anxiety. Some children are more excited about meeting new friends and will use this as motivation for wanting to go back to school. 

Make these last weeks a back to school practice, by reminding your child of all the positive activities that await this new school year!

Back to School Series

For all my families (yes, that means you moms and dads) and college students, I am starting a back to school series blog for the month of August! This is in celebration and preparation for the school year to come. It will feature tips, how to's and topics related to back to school needs for children, adolescents and young adults. I will also be offering a referral based discount this month to clients who refer a friend or family member (not living in the same house)!  Stay tuned for more back to school learning.